Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:dance:
 

On a Very Clear Day by ~batousaijin:iconbatousaijin:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Villanelle




On a very clear day,
the wheel in the sky hides what he knows,
but I still see a very long way.

Truth, found slant in shades of grey—
a screen of falling leaves for projecting my family slideshow
on a very clear day.

Freshly-cut bales of hay
crumble against the early onslaught of snow.
I can see a very long way,

can pluck the darling buds of May
when spring is still a gift unbestowed.
On a very clear day,

a scene no artist could portray,
feel our passion ebb and flow
while gazing very far away.

My kingdom for the palette of Monet.
All life breathes, loves, fades—I suppose.
On a clear day,
I can see, see a very long way.
©2008-2009 ~batousaijin
:iconbatousaijin:

Author's Comments

On a clear day, / I can see, see a very long way. —Colin Hay, “Waiting for My Real Life to Begin”

*sigh* La villanelle, she is a harsh mistress, no? This is a found poem for *Writers-Workshop's workshop on found poetry, hosted by *Laurence55. A found poem is one whose words come from a different source (or rather, several), and by rearranging them, you (the poet) give them a new poetic meaning (see my recent found pantoum; all the lines were clipped from magazines). I suppose I'm cheating, because not all the words here are from other sources. I'd have to have the patience of a Saint to make a villanelle using only words that I found from other sources. I'm also cheating because the lines written by Colin Hay and Thom Mooney (performed by Hay on his album and on TV's Scrubs by the cast) are already perfect in their own poetic simplicity. I didn't have hardly any work since the two rhyming lines gave me the perfect backbone for the repeating lines of a villanelle.

Preview is Van Gogh's "Trees in a Field on a Sunny Day."

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 2 2 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconelmara:
Mood: Wow! ~Elmara Aug 21, 2008, 4:00:39 AM
My kingdom for the palette of Monet. that tops my favorite lines list for this year. so delicately worded and the metaphor is ethereal. your conclusion was just... ah, honestly, it just rendered my speechless. :thumbsup:

--
The Poetry.. That comes from the squaring off between.. And the circling is worth it.. Finding beauty in the dissonance.. -Tool

*VampireWriters *PoetryPlease *Writers-Workshop ~pakdeviants *ScribeSanctuary
:iconxcamix:
~xCamix Aug 21, 2008, 4:48:56 AM
Wow! Found poetry is, for itself, really difficult; and you also make a found rhyming poem! Amazing :clap:
My favourite stanzas are the first, the 5th and the last one, really expressive, poetic.

Beautiful! :heart:

--
› ¤ ‡ Camilla ‡ ¤ ‹

06/02 => DD :faint:

07/02 => DailyDeviant's feature :faint:
:iconb1gfan:
*b1gfan Aug 21, 2008, 5:07:46 AM
it's quite beautiful :D I really get a sense of place and a longing for that place from the imagery!
:iconbatousaijin:
~batousaijin Aug 21, 2008, 7:54:28 AM
thanks :)

--
"The rose is a great deal more than a blushing apology for the thorn." --Rabindranath Tagore
:iconbatousaijin:
~batousaijin Aug 21, 2008, 7:57:57 AM
thanks for the :+fav: and for commenting :)

--
"The rose is a great deal more than a blushing apology for the thorn." --Rabindranath Tagore
:iconbatousaijin:
~batousaijin Aug 21, 2008, 7:58:51 AM
thanks for all the comments and :+fav:

--
"The rose is a great deal more than a blushing apology for the thorn." --Rabindranath Tagore
:iconrudhira:
~rudhira Aug 21, 2008, 10:10:08 AM
Ive been reading the Found Poetry Workshop submissions and each one is intriguing but ive noticed a tendency to seem unfinished, no clarity of the poem, but this one does and I really enjoyed it.

--
Unfortunately, I type faster than I think.
:iconxcamix:
~xCamix Aug 21, 2008, 10:11:27 AM
my pleasure :aww:

--
› ¤ ‡ Camilla ‡ ¤ ‹

06/02 => DD :faint:

07/02 => DailyDeviant's feature :faint:
:iconberylalexandros:
`BerylAlexandros Aug 21, 2008, 10:33:12 AM
Wow. That can not have been easy at all. I didn't even try to make my found poem rhyme, let alone follow a specific form.

I'd like to second ~rudhira's comment; this has a very finished feel to it. It's clear that it's not just the product of a writing exercise, it is a work of art.

--
When life gives you lemons, write about it.
~~
Is there a deviation in your or a friend's gallery that you have reason to believe I'll like? Tell me!
~~
I am a proud staff member of *WordCount. Check it out!
Previous Page123Next Page

Details

August 19, 2008
857 bytes
115 KB
750×613

Statistics

24
9 [who?]
224 (0 today)
5 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy