Lots to be said over two little words. Two Rivers is the name of the town the main characters are from in Robert Jordan's amazing fantasy series The Wheel of Time. It's also the name of the psychiatric hospital I spent the last eight days in. They take folks who need to detox from alcohol and drug dependence as well as people with SI/HI (suicidial/homicidal ideation). I was a little surprised at what I take for granted living on my own.
On the inside I couldn't shower without someone to get towels and soap for me. I couldn't shave without someone standing behind me to make sure I didn't hurt myself. I wasn't allowed to have shoes with laces, so I wore slippers. It was impossible to distinguish nurses from techs from social workers from orderlies, so you could ask someone for help with whatever it was you needed and you'd have no guarantee of getting it.
The meds were a fiasco waiting to happen, especially if you had the misfortune to be diabetic. I had two diabetic friends who never got their insulin on time or in the right quantities.
How do I feel? Remarkably well. The patients were better therapists than most of the employees. My first night there, while waiting for a bed to be made up, two patients were working on a poetry prompt. They were funny, friendly, and writing poetry--they drew me out of my shell, or as Love Händel would say, "They snuck their way right into my heart."
I was less self-conscious than usual because I knew they were there for the same reasons as I. I went to group therapy and expressive therapy and did my best to share and express (even though expressive therapy is mostly just kindergarten-style coloring time). I feel like I've gained something important even though I'm still very depressed and disgusted by the world around me. I've learned that you can always make new friends.